“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”– Maya Angelou
I remember the story of the two children of our laundry help, Aling Luming. She would, oftentimes, bring them to our house so we can play while she does our laundry. Back then, I already noticed the stark difference between the two. The eldest daughter was more of the jealous type. She would always ask from her mother the same toys I had and would throw tantrums when she cannot have them. On the other hand, the youngest daughter was more engaging and playful. She would always tell me, “Ate Jay, when I grow up, I will find a good job so I can buy nice clothes and delicious food.” Fast forward, the eldest married early a jobless neighbor and lived in slum area while the youngest, earned a 2-year housekeeping diploma and eventually became a supervisor in a hotel.
Indeed, there are so many circumstances in your life that are beyond your control. The family you were born into, the neighbors you grew up with, the schools you went to, and even your religion. And it continues as you journey through life… you have no control how your teachers and classmates treat you, how your spouse reacts to a crisis, how your children behave or how your company responds to competition. On a broader scale, you cannot control market fluctuation, climate change, armed conflicts or technology glitch.
But while we have no control over these, still, we should not allow those circumstances to determine what you can be. Don’t let the circumstances you’re in today define the potentials and possibilities of tomorrow.
The siblings in my story above were born in the same family and had the same circumstances growing up but turned out differently. The underlying difference were in the choices and decisions they made. As one popular saying says, “it’s not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you that matters.” One sibling chose to live her circumstance and blame it for her misfortune while the other sibling chose to change her circumstance and wrote her own destiny.
As James Allen aptly puts, “Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.” That’s why we hear many rags-to-riches stories of people defying poverty and ignorance over ambition and hard work. Instead of blaming their environment and the misfortune they are in, they chose to dream and worked hard to achieve it. In the same token that we hear stories about people born with silver spoon yet ending up broke and miserable. Simply put it, regardless of your condition in life, your choices will make the difference. According to leadership guru Stephen Covey, “Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.”
The good news is: You have the power of choice! You have the ability to choose how you will respond to what life may throw you… if it throws you lemons, you can choose either to just sit on its sourness or make some lemonade!
We were all adversely affected by the pandemic, which we didn’t have control over. We were locked down and our movements were restricted. You may have even lost your job or closed your business. How did you choose to respond? Did you just sulk and become immobile and unproductive, blaming the pandemic for your depressing state? Or did you make the most of your free time and explored new ways to become busy and productive?
While we were under the same circumstance back then, we chose to respond differently. Some just chose to stop and fade out while others chose to move forward and thrive. It’s surprising to learn post-pandemic that it was during the most challenging time of the covid outbreak, when many of our “kababayans” earned big time by rediscovering or reinventing themselves.
Regardless of what you have gone through in the past, remember your history is not your destiny. And no matter how bad your current situation may be, you can always choose to take a new direction, a different path.
Our life’s journey is full of decisions and choices, big and small. Every moment is a decision moment… will you stay in or get out of bed, will you drive or “grab” to work, will you take the stairs or the elevator, will you resign or wait for the promotion, etc? Each of our decision or choice has consequences. Different choices give different results. These series of deciding and choosing mold you into who you are now. To quote Tony Robbins, “we are where we are today because of the decisions we’ve made—decisions about what to focus on, decisions about where to place our priorities, decisions about what things mean and decisions about what to do. “
It is therefore critical to consistently and consciously make sensible choices, no matter how simple or complex it may be. Let’s be mindful that you have the power to take over your circumstances and making choices allow you to take charge of your life as oppose to surrendering it to fate.
Don’t live your life by circumstance…live it by choice.
