“Marriage is a partnership, and couples can’t win with money unless they budget as a team.” — Dave Ramsey
As we cap the love month of February, let’s look into one of the most important but often neglected conversations between husband and wife…money talks. Money can be a touchy topic for couples, most especially for the newly marrieds. According to a US-based survey, nearly three in four (73%) couples say financial decisions are a source of tension in their relationship. Of these, nearly half (47%) admit this tension has negatively impacted intimacy with their partner. But no matter how uncomfortable it feels, couples should have regular financial communication to ensure that they are on the same page when it comes to their finances and avoid potential money issues and arguments. Having money talks early in the marriage allows couples to better understand each other’s attitude towards money, set financial goals together, make joint financial decisions and avoid money disagreements.
However, even if couples recognize the importance of knowing how to manage their finances together, talking about it does not come naturally for everybody.
Here are some money conversation starters which may help you turn a usually uncomfortable topic to something lighter and less stressful.
Know each other’s financial beliefs and attitudes growing up. As you and your partner come from different family background, it’s likely that you have differing attitude towards money. How is money discussed in your family? Do your parents follow a budget and share in the expenses? What financial lessons did you learn from your parents that you want to follow and avoid? Your initial attitude towards money is mostly influenced by what you saw and learned from your parents. Having this conversation is useful to understand the story behind your own and your partner’s money sense, be more tolerant of each other’s financial perspective and agree on common grounds.
Set your financial goals and priorities. Marriage counselors suggest that early on the marriage, couples should define and agree on their short term and long term financial goals for the family. This serves as their compass in all of their financial decisions. What’s your number one financial goal? What lifestyle do you want for your family? At what age do you want to retire? Set goals that are specific, measurable, attainable and time-bound. For example, “have at least P5,000,000 retirement fund at age 55” is better than “save for our retirement years”. Now, with the many goals you aspire to achieve, learn to prioritize your needs over wants. Schedule a regular check-ins to determine whether you’re on track or need catching up. Discussing and having shared goals give couples a sense of purpose, direction and motivation to work on achieving them together.
Come up with a budget together. After agreeing on your financial goals, make an extra effort to come up with your monthly budget and stick to it. Where is your money going? Do you have agreement on what you should be spending on or is it a case of my money, my spend? Where can you cut back on your expenses? It’s difficult to balance your own financial needs with that of your partner, but it’s an important step to your financial journey as a couple. Make a list of your monthly recurring expenses (both shared and individual) versus your joint earnings. Be transparent on your other financial commitments. If you have loans to pay off or if either is providing financial support to your parents, these should be discussed and factored in your budget. Having this conversation will allow you to realize how your spendings impact your own family’s ability to save.
Discuss existing or potential money concerns. As you mature into your relationship, your money issues also mature. Are you on track on your savings/retirement? How are you managing your loans and credit card obligations? In case of an emergency, do you have the fund for it? Subconsciously, these are contributing to your stress and anxiety. Whatever is making you awake at night, do not keep it to yourself. Hiding it from your partner may even result to more complications and bigger problems. It’s better to share and discuss it openly with each other so, together, you can take steps in addressing them, whether it’s already an existing issue or still a potential one.
Plan your family’s future as if you are no longer around. Surely, you would want to reach the age where you get to see your children (and grandchildren) become adults and live their own life. Imagining the prospect of your or your partner’s untimely death or either getting critically ill is uncomfortable. But this is life’s reality that you have to accept and prepare for. In case one of you gets critically ill or die, is your family financially prepared? Will your family be able to maintain their current lifestyle even when you’re no longer around? How do you want your assets to be divided among your children? If you want to ensure that your family is still provided for and that your wishes are carried out even when you are no longer able and capable, this conversation should happen. You can get the services of professional financial advisors to guide and help you plan for life’s uncertainties.
It’s not going to be an easy conversation. Just be open and honest with each other. Listen attentively to what your partner is saying or not saying. Choose the proper time and place to have the conversation. And remember, this money talk is not a one shot deal, it’s on-going. The more you do it, the more comfortable you get.
Make this season of love your own season of financial preparedness.
