“Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” – John 8:7
As we go into the Holy Week, I would like to reflect on one of my personal favorite Bible stories about an adultress sentenced to be stoned to death. When the scribes and Pharisees brought this matter to Jesus and asked for his opinion, Jesus calmly replied, “Let him who is without sin among you, cast the first stone at her.” We knew that no one, not even the self-righteous religious leaders, dared and the woman was saved from the stoning.
This relevance of this story is timeless. As was in the olden times, being judgmental is second nature to many of us, if not all of us. We may not be throwing or casting stones anymore but nevertheless, we are, still, all guilty of “killing” people by the way we judge them. We are so quick to judge, condemn and persecute others. How many times have we judge based on a person’s physical appearance, manner of speaking, educational attainment, political and religious affiliation? How often have we accused and “sentenced” people based on what we read and hear from others? Never mind if we do not have the facts and the truth, we judge anyway. How easy do we “cancel” certain people because of how we perceive them? Yet, oftentimes, our judgments of others are usually wrong.
And in these days of technology and social media, it seems we are even more empowered to do just that. At least before, somehow, we know the people who judge and condemn us. But with social media, bashing (in today’s lingo) is free for all. We got to be judged and bashed by people who are complete strangers to us. People who don’t even have the slightest idea about us, yet they bash and condemn us as if they know us from Adam. With one wrong post, one wrong photo, one wrong comment, you can already expect instant judgment from others.
Technology and social media have created a world where the more we bash, the greater the satisfaction and the bigger the external reward. This makes resisting the act more difficult. Some people have even made bashing a career. They have learned the art and science of bashing and have made millions from it. The more extreme the bashing in Instagram, Facebook and x (formerly tweeter), the more likes and shares it seems to get. The harsher the comments, the higher the ratings, the greater the viewership and the bigger the incentives. Sadly, this generation has propagated even more the culture of judging.
But as bashers and judgers of others, are we really without weaknesses, failures and indiscretions? Are our lives so perfect and ideal that we can easily pass judgments on others? Or are we just mirroring and passing on to other people our own frustrations, insecurities and limitations?
When we experience the urge of passing judgment, perhaps we can first ask ourself what do we really know about the person we are judging. Do we know that much about the person or we define him based on his one wrong behavior or statement? Do we know the background or circumstances leading to his actions? If we consider that like you, others also have their own our past and baggage and that we have our own ways of dealing/managing our emotions, we can consciously choose to be kinder and give the person you are judging some slack.
As they say, condemn the action but not the doer of the action. When passing judgements, do best to distinguish between judging actions and judging people. We are encouraged to call out wrongdoings. However, most of the time, we judge not the wrongdoing but the personhood of the doer. This makes being judged more hurtful and personal. We can continue to love and accept a person while we disapprove and dislike their behavior/action.
We have all been judged, fairly and unfairly. Do you still remember how it felt? Do you remember how those remarks and stares made you sad, uncomfortable and humiliated? How they made you lose your confidence and doubt yourself? Now, ask yourself if you really want to bring that kind of feeling, suffering and pain to another person. Sometimes, our being know-it-all and self-righteous make us forget that in life, it is better to be kind than to be right.
Judging or bashing others does not only impact the person being judged, it also has a deep effect on the bashers/judgers and their relationships. Passing judgement may give one an emotional kick at that specific moment, especially when it’s gaining attention and creating a following. And paying well. That’s why others just judge for the sake of judging. We are all guilty of judging others. Looking back, did it make us feel happier and better? Did we truly feel good about ourselves after talking about other’s imperfections and mistakes? Furthermore, it may also cause friends to distance themselves from us, for fear that they, too, could be the object of our judgement/bashing if they do something we think is wrong. Being more understanding an accepting of others, despite and in spite of their frailties, can be healthier for all.
So the next time you have the urge to pass judgement on someone, just be mindful of the 4 points above. It’s not going to be easy but it’s worth the try. Afterall, we will all be facing our ultimate Judge…and His judgement is all that matters.
A blessed Holy Week to all!
