“Enjoy the journey and try to get better every day. And don’t lose the passion and the love for what you do.” – NADIA COMANESCI
Milestones have a way of forcing us to reflect on our journeys.
In the past two days, I’ve had two such milestones: celebrating 21 years of marriage with my wife Chinky Cilocilo Fuentes and turning 65 a day later. We always try to make such celebrations simple and stress-free lest we miss the forest for the trees. Aside from that natural aversion to being the center of attention, separation from the pack allows us for more time for reflection.
First, 21 years of going strong is a cause for celebration. Marriages don’t take a life of their own. Both parties need not just to commit but to make sacrifices to make it work. Along the way, there are many imponderables that come into play and failure to deal with them together spells the difference between success and failure. It takes team effort not just when the going gets tough but especially and more so when husband and wife are not on the same page. When one or both lose sight of the destination, it’s only a matter of time before the union becomes yet another statistic on the road side.
So Chinky and I celebrated in the best way we know: by ourselves.
It’s amazing what being alone can do to a marriage. It forces you to reflect if you can afford to laugh at your mistakes, if the pain has made you a better person, if the spark is still just as strong. The tragedy in marriage is not so much that dreaded moment when the parties decide it is time to call it quits. It is when both realize too late that they had been too preoccupied with other things and other people they can no longer commit to each other as they should.
If there is one thing that makes marriage work, it is commitment. When it flies out of the window, it is only a matter of time before the formal declaration is made. To a large extent, commitment determines and defines a person. A person who is successful in his career but a failure in his marriage is one who is committed to his work but not to his spouse. It’s the same thing with faith. One can declare on record and social media his spiritual beliefs but it can only be measured by how consistent he or she lives it. And yes, you get it right: it boils down to commitment. All the heroes of the faith were committed men and women to the point of death.
Second, every birthday is a milestone in itself. Like water on a flowing river, no one remains exactly in the same spot a year later. For one growing up when the Beatles were the biggest hit, there are days when I feel lost. My contemporaries tell me I’m not alone. Whenever we have time to reminisce the good old days, we marvel at how quickly time flies and how little remains of our playgrounds. The disturbing part is that there is nothing we can do about it.
“Enjoy the journey, and try to get better every day,” urged Nadia Comanesci, the legendary Romanian gymnast who met success very early in life. She punctuated it with the exhortation not to lose the passion and the love for what you do. Indeed, time has a way of dimming the focus and, unintentionally, lowering the standards.
On a personal note, I have come to realize that dizzying the pace may be, some things never change. Some things never change, one of which is the wisdom of the years. A personal favorite is a line inserted in the Simon and Garfunkel opus “The Boxer” during their reunion concert: “After changes upon changes/we are more of less the same/after changes we are more or less the same.”
Indeed, humans have conquered new worlds and horizons, but not the human heart. Greed and its first-degree cousin, selfishness, continues to rule in many a heart. There is no known antidote for pride, nor is there a cure for perversion. That the many known causes for suffering in this world will outlive all of us is one truth that no one can deny.
Of course, there is the mystery of faith. But that is altogether a different matter. It is only for those who believe there is life after this world. For those who don’t, that’s useless chatter.
Speaking for myself, however, this much us sure: in all things, and at all times, without a doubt, it was God who made all the difference. To Him be all the glory, honor and praise.
My late father chose his words well. When I reflect on my journeys in life, into the deeper recesses of the mind, I realize how right he was about the majesty of each moment. Instead of being obsessed with results, a traveler should not waste the experience. I have treasured his words in my heart, and I have not regretted doing so.
“Not the journey but the chase/not the trophy but the race.”
